Monday Mantra: No


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Vikram Madan on Jung and Enlightenment

Enlightenment is not imagining figures of light but making the darkness conscious.

"What I like about Jung's definition is -- it is integrative in nature. Is not trying to reject darkness.

Eckhart Tolle's definition of enlightenment : "Restoration of Sanity".

Buddha's definition (or so it is claimed) : "No Suffering/End of Suffering".

The point at which the full and final collapse of the false-i/ego occurs, delusion ends, and the continuous, beyond-doubt direct experience of the connection with the deepest (shunya) level of life occurs.

Tolle talks of a waxing and waning joy, that has never left him, ever since he found enlightenment. The peace never goes. The joy waxes and wanes. Sadness is also felt by him, when he sees some kind of a serious tragedy somewhere.

He also talks of the end of boredom, loneliness, restlessness, and all such things that make us common-ly human. Tolle can be stuck in traffic or stand in a long que, and not lose his cool.

He also says that the sights and sounds of the world around him became more lucid, and lost their irritating, disturbing flavour, after he found enlightenment.

But the biggest thing --- is the appreciation of the difference between "LIFE" and "life-situation".

The enlightened person can appreciate the difference and know that the difference is not subjective, ambiguous, debatable.

ie. it points to some kind of a multi dimensional existence in which --- one is continuously aware that this is the realm of maya (via continuous direct experience) *YET* functioning as if it is *NOT* maya. And this mode of existence is *NOT* confusing and uncomfortable.

And I'll stop here, before I end up slipping deeper into...as you would have guessed by now...advaita vedanta "
-Vikram Madan


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Jung on Enlightenment

Enlightenment is not imagining figures of light but making the darkness conscious.


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Elizabeth Gilbert on Marriage: Eat, Pray, Make Love

Eat, Pray, Make Love
Time Magazines 'one of the most influential people of 2008', Elizabeth Gilbert,
author of Eat, Pray, Love, asks us to consider the demands and expectations of contemporary marriage,
are we asking for too much in our relationships?
Could the high failure rate in marriage be related to the burden of out of scale expectations we
place on a 'love' relationship?
Elizabeth is 5yrs into a second marriage, she describes it as complex, but much richer than the romantic beginning she ends her book with.
Self admitted owner of a hungry, passionate heart, Elizabeth gives authentic insight for those of us with a passionate, and wildly curious nature.
Helen Fisher would most likely type Elizabeth as a Negotiator/Explorer.

Does anyone else see the Cameron Diaz resemblance? even her laugh is very Cameron!
Note to Elizabeth: Help the economy, give Cameron Diaz a job with 'Eat, Pray, Love', the movie....

Full interview with Big Think

Elizabeth Gilbert on Creativity and Genius at TED Talks
Is creativity something only a few have? What is the difference between being a 'genius', and having one? What if we realized we all have a genius, daemon, a muse just waiting for us to show up? And how do we relate to it without losing our mind? Who is your divine genius?

Elizabeth Gilbert.com

Authors @Google : Elizabeth Gilbert

“wise, jaunty, human, ethereal, heartbreaking.
-Anne Lamott on Eat, Pray, Love


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The Dangerous Friend

The ecstatic, wild, and gentle figure who short-circuits your systems of self-referencing.
The only person in your life who cannot be manipulated.
The invasion of unpredictability you allow into your life, to enable you to cut through the convolutions of interminable psychological and emotional processes.
The terrifyingly compassionate gamester who re-shuffles the deck
of your carefully arranged rationale.

-Trungpa Rinpocha

Art: my dakini
3'x5' oil on canvas


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Porn Predictions with Bob Guccione, Jr.

"....Porn is so unbelievably boring, it is such a drag to be sent a link of two people eating each other..
.I think it's going to become more artistic, sensual, erotic and intellectual...."


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Yahel & Eyal Barkan,

Nitzhonot, a yummy blend of Goa and uplifting trance tunes....

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Steve Jobs and Manipura Dakini, Yantra and Mantra

Your time is limited, don’t waste it living someone else’s life.
Don’t be trapped by dogma, which is living the result of other people’s thinking.
Don’t let the noise of other’s opinion drowned your own inner voice.
And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition,
they somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

– Steve Jobs

This is the purpose of the third chakra, listen to your gut, listen to Manipura

Manipura Mantra: RAM

Each chakra has its own dakini and mantra.

Manipura Yantra: 17"x24, colored pencil on Black Strathmore paper
Manipura Dakini: 3'x5' oil on canvas

art: mydakini


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Mary Roach on Freud and the Importance of Masturbation

Freud believed the sexual satisfaction from clitoral stimulation was childish, it was something to be outgrown in favor of being passive and receptive.
btw: Clitorectomy was performed in the US during the late 1850's through the 1860's.
One of the sure signs of a witch during the great witch hunts of the 1400's-1700's, was orgasm, if a woman was orgasmic she could be burned as a witch, as well as her daughters. .....and we wonder why 40-60% of women are non orgasmic or have difficulty achieving orgasm.
Use it or Lose it? Can masturbation help women with arousal difficulty? Is this a way to bypass some of the dampening effects of antidepressants on libido? yes!

Mary Roach on NPR
In a conversation with Robert Siegel, Mary Roach explores the state and the history of research into human sexuality in her new book, Bonk.
"..."The 1920s were almost like the '60s in a way — and then we swung back to a more conservative era....."....more from NPR



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Monday Mantra: Yes



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Sandra Tsing Loh on Marriage

The Atlantic
Sandra Tsing Loh
“..........................When marriage was invented,” Ellen continues, “it was considered to be a kind of trade union for a woman, her protection against the sexually wandering male. But what’s happened to the sexually wandering male?”

In our parents’ era, the guy hit 45, got the toupee, drove the red Porsche, and left his family for the young, hot secretary. We are unable to imagine any of the husbands driving anything with fewer than five seat belts.

“Ron only goes as far as the den,” Ellen says. “He has his Internet porn bookmarked on the computer.”

“Ian has his Cook’s Illustrated,” Rachel adds. “And his—his men’s online fennel club.”

.........it’s clear that females are dissatisfied—more and more, divorce seems to be initiated by women. If marriage is the Old World and what lies beyond is the New World, it’s the apparently stable men (comfortable alone in their postfeminist den with their Cook’s Illustrated and their porn) who are Old Worlders, and the Girls’ Night Out, questionnaire-completing women who are the questing New Worlders. They most embody what Tocqueville described as America’s “restless temper,” or l’inquiétude du caractère. (Interestingly, according to EnlightenNext magazine, some northern European women are reportedly eschewing their progressive northern European male counterparts and dating Muslims, who are more like “real men.”)......

...............So, herewith, some modest proposals. Clearly, research shows that what’s best for children is domestic stability and not having to bond with, and to be left by, ever new stepparent figures. Less important is whether or not their overworked parents are logging “date night” (or feeling the magic). So why don’t we accept marriage as a splitting-the-mortgage arrangement? As Fisher suggests, rekindling the romance is, for many of us, biologically unnatural, particularly after the kids come. (Says another friend of mine, about his wife of 23 years: “My heart doesn’t lift when she walks in the room. It sinks, slightly.”) If high-revving women are sexually frustrated, let them have some sort of French arrangement where they have two men, the post-feminist model dad building shelves, cooking bouillabaisse, and ignoring them in the home, and the occasional fun-loving boyfriend the kids never see. Alternately, if both spouses find life already rather exhausting, never mind chasing around for sex. Long-married husbands and wives should pleasantly agree to be friends, to set the bedroom aglow at night by the mute opening of separate laptops and just be done with it. More than anything, aside from providing insulation from the world at large, that kind of arrangement could be the perfect way to be left alone.

As far as the children are concerned, how about the tribal approach (a natural, according to both primate and human evolution)? Let children between the ages of 1 and 5 be raised in a household of mothers and their female kin. Let the men/husbands/boyfriends come in once or twice a week to build shelves, prepare that bouillabaisse, or provide sex.....".........more from Sandra at the Atlantic

Sandra, as a new Save Singlehood devotee, brings humor, respect and truth to the perfect boomer marriage, and divorce...as well as generating controversy and a fair bit of outrage with her 'cool' attitude towards her divorce, but that's why we luv her! We must remember she is a humorist going through a divorce, it's her job to make us laugh. And though she seems to be handling it with a casual wit, I would also suggest she has had her share of time curled up in the fetal position, crying over all of it.

"Marriage remains the most efficient engine of disenchantment yet invented. There is nothing like uninterrupted cohabitation and grinding responsibility to cast a clear, unforgiving light on the object of desire."
-Caitlin Flanagan
contributing editor of The Atlantic.

Sandra with Bill Maher, 2001


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Manipura, Trust Your Gut

Manipura is the chakra located near your navel, this is the chakra of will, power, intuition and transformation.

Los Angeles Tantra Coach

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One Tantra Member, Xen

new online tantra community


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Heather Graham on Tantric Practice

"You haven't lived until you've tried tantric sexual healing.
I first got int
o it when I was filming The Guru in 2002 and I haven't looked back. What most people know about tantric sex is that Sting does it and it lasts eight hours. But he's not having sex continually. You can take a bath, massage your partner, listen to music. The idea is that you let the whole thing build very slowly until finally you merge with your partner. It works for me!....." -Heather Graham.....more from Huffington Post .....for full interview from UK Daily Mail

Los Angeles Tantra Coach

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Monday Mantra:

Tat Tvam Asi

Thou art That!

Chandogya Upanishad

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The Hookup, Mate Without the Date?

For the many who are delaying the responsibilities of marriage and child-rearing, hooking up has virtually replaced dating.

It is a major shift in the culture over the past few decades, says Kathleen Bogle, a professor of sociology and criminal justice at La Salle University.

Young people during one of the most sexually active periods of their lives aren't necessarily looking for a mate. What used to be a mate-seeking ritual has shifted to hookups: sexual encounters with no strings attached.

"The idea used to be you are going to date someone that is going to lead to something sexual happening," Bogle says. "In the hookup era, something sexual happens, even though it may be less than sexual intercourse, that may or may not ever lead to dating.".......more from NPR

Los Angeles Tantra Coach

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Is There a Moral Limit on Multiple Orgasms?

MD's fave sexpert, the brutally honest, and very funny Dan Savage, on women and multiple orgasms
Is it fair for her to have 8 orgasms to your one?

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Why Do We Choose the Wrong People in Relationships?

Reid tells us the bottom line about relationships.
Look for him... at OneTantra.com.

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Dr. Helen Fisher's, 'Why him, Why Her?' Quiz

The longest and most lasting marriages are between builders, and after reading what the 'Builder' personality type is, it makes total sense. Builders are exactly what the name suggests, they build, they are traditional and play by the rules, and they are the most common type, comprising 40% of the population, and Explorers are the rarest type at 8%.

HelenFisher.com.....Helen Fisher, PhD, says you can predict a couple's chances of happiness based on which of four personality types they fit into....." Since antiquity, poets, philosophers, and physicians have classified people into four styles of temperament. For Plato, they were the Artisan, Guardian, Idealist, and Rational. I have come to call them the Explorer, Builder, Negotiator, and Director. Each basic type, I suspect, is associated with a distinct cluster of genes—along with the expression of certain brain chemicals and a unique collection of personality traits....People who express dopamine — I call them Explorers — tend to be risk-taking, curious, creative, impulsive, optimistic and energetic. The traits associated with the serotonin system express themselves in what I call Builders. They're cautious but not fearful, calm, traditional, community-oriented, persistent and loyal. Directors have traits associated with activity in the testosterone system. These people tend to be very analytical, decisive, tough-minded; they like to debate and can be aggressive. The fourth type is the Negotiator. Men or women who express activity in the estrogen system tend to be broadminded imaginative, compassionate, intuitive, verbal, nurturing, altruistic and idealistic."

Sample of test results, and I must admit this is a shockingly accurate description of my dakini.
Take Helen Fisher's test at Why Him Why Her.com

My dakini..., you are a

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Monday Mantra

Det kunne være værre

It could be worse

According to international happiness surveys of the last 30 years,
Denmark is home to the happiest people on the planet.
The classic American response to, "how are you?"
is all too often, 'Excellent!' 'Great!'
Ask the same question of a Dane, and you will most likely hear,
“Det kunne være værre....... It could be worse.”

This attitude and outlook is not pessimistic, but merely realistic.

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72 Year Harvard Study on Happiness

Loving is the most important contributor to happiness.
Happiness is love. Full stop
-Dr. George Vaillant

the Atlantic
June 2009
Joshua Wolf Shenk

Dr. George Vaillant, director of a 72-year Harvard study on aging, explains what makes people strive
for fame and why dirty laundry symbolizes a perfect life

Is there a formula—some mix of love, work, and psychological adaptation—for a good life? For 72 years, researchers at Harvard have been examining this question, following 268 men who entered college in the late 1930s through war, career, marriage and divorce, parenthood and grandparenthood, and old age. Here, for the first time, a journalist gains access to the archive of one of the most comprehensive longitudinal studies in history. Its contents, as much literature as science, offer profound insight into the human condition—and into the brilliant, complex mind of the study’s longtime director, George Vaillant.

More than 80 percent of the Grant Study men served in World War II, a fact that allowed Vaillant to study the effect of combat. The men who survived heavy fighting developed more chronic physical illnesses and died sooner than those who saw little or no combat, he found. And “severity of trauma is the best predictor of who is likely to develop PTSD.” (This may sound obvious, but it countered the claim that post-traumatic stress disorder was just the manifestation of preexisting troubles.)

“It is social aptitude,” he writes, “not intellectual brilliance or parental social class, that leads to successful aging.” Warm connections are necessary—and if not found in a mother or father, they can come from siblings, uncles, friends, mentors. The men’s relationships at age 47, he found, predicted late-life adjustment better than any other variable, except defenses. Good sibling relationships seem especially powerful: 93 percent of the men who were thriving at age 65 had been close to a brother or sister when younger. In an interview in the March 2008 newsletter to the Grant Study subjects, Vaillant was asked, “What have you learned from the Grant Study men?” Vaillant’s response: “That the only thing that really matters in life are your relationships to other people.”

Positive emotions make us more vulnerable than negative ones. One reason is that they’re future-oriented. Fear and sadness have immediate payoffs—protecting us from attack or attracting resources at times of distress. Gratitude and joy, over time, will yield better health and deeper connections—but in the short term actually put us at risk. That’s because, while negative emotions tend to be insulating, positive emotions expose us to the common elements of rejection and heartbreak..........more from the Atlantic

Harvard Gazette
William J. Cromie 2001
How to be happy and well rather than sad and sick

Dr. George Vaillant and his colleagues at Harvard University Health Services teased out seven predictors, which are at least partly under personal control, and, if adhered to before age 50, can lead to good physical and mental health at ages 70, 80, and older.
Some of them are old news, things like quitting smoking, exercising regularly, and not abusing alcohol. Others turn out to be surprises. For example, education trumps money and social prestige as a route to health and happiness......

Life ain't easy," Vaillant points out. "Terrible things happen to everyone. You have to keep your sense of humor, give something of yourself to others, make friends who are younger than you, learn new things, and have fun."
Immature defenses, on the other hand, produce sad results. Don't blame others for your problems, or deny that you have problems. Having imaginary rather than real friends causes more problems than it solves. So does distracting yourself by sipping scotch and watching television. ...
With hard work and/or therapy, our relationships with our spouses and our coping styles can be changed for the better. A successful old age may lie not so much in our stars and genes as in ourselves." ....more

Talk of the Nation
June 1, 2009
What Makes Us Happy?

Journalist Joshua Wolf Shenk gained access to one of the most comprehensive studies conducted to find the formula for happiness. "What Makes Us Happy?" is his essay in the June issue of The Atlantic. Shenk, along with Todd Kashdan, professor of psychology and author of Curious: Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life, explore what makes us happy.

Happiness is a result of warm, caring, quality relationships. ...and relationships are hard, ones ability to cope, tolerate, and skilled conflict resolution are the key to fulfilling relationships......................listen to full 30 minute interview


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