8 Secrets to Great Sex

The secret to great sex? It's not technique
CTV News
Mon. Jul. 6 2009

Great sex isn't about technique or buff bodies.
Intense physical sensation, orgasm, lust and chemistry also don't have much to do with it.
Instead, a new study, says
great sex is more about connection and focus.
Sex therapist and University of Ottawa psychologist Peggy Kleinplatz,
the lead author of the report, interviewed three groups who reported that they had "great sex." .
....The study found that great sex involves the following eight components:

• Being present
• Connection
• Deep sexual and erotic intimacy
• Extraordinary communication
• Interpersonal risk taking and exploration
• Authenticity
• Vulnerability
• Transcendence

Of all the components,
"being present, focused and embodied" was cited the most by participants. ......more from CTV
Peggy J. Kleinplatz is a Canadian psychologist and sexologist known for her work critical of the medicalization of human sexuality.
Kleinplatz graduated from University of Ottawa with a B.A. (Honours) in Psychology in 1981 and Ph.D. in 1987.
She has served as Associate Professor of Medicine and Clinical Professor of Psychology at the University of Ottawa[2] and is an Adjunct Research Professor at Carleton University.

* Kleinplatz PJ, ed. (2001). New Directions in Sex Therapy: Innovations and Alternatives. Psychology Press, ISBN 9780876309674
* Moser C, Kleinplatz PJ (2006). Sadomasochism: Powerful Pleasures. Routledge, ISBN 9781560236399

Tantric systems and practice develop, refine and repair these key components of great sex, and authentic connection.
One of the potential, and commonly mentioned side effects of excessive Solo porn consumption is the reduced ability or inability to connect emotionally with a partner, and over time, a diminished sexual arousal regardless of type or intensity of stimulation.
A delicious mix of feel good, and bonding chemicals are released in the brain during arousal, and a flood at the point of orgasm, creating a perfect moment to connect and bond with your lover, or the image on a computer screen. Oddly enough, if it's the computer, please know you are not really 'connecting' with Savannah Samson, Dick d'Bone etc...but you are reinforcing and strengthening the necessity of a computer image to feel aroused.

A real, flawed human will feel you mentally leave for your porn place.
While you are mentally conjuring up Dick or Savannah to keep your arousal up, you are absent, self absorbed and ignorant of the person you are with..How can you connect and tune into the person you're with and what is turning them on, the markers of a great lover, if your head is somewhere else?

On the other hand, if you have a partner that doesn't mind and you are happy with sex at that level, that's great!

Porn consumption alone, or with your partner now and then can be a fun, revealing, intimate experience that spices up the sex and strengthens the bond and connection between you.
Porn is no different than sugar, a little goes a long way, and if you become dependent on it your health will suffer, and your relationships will suffer, being overweight, and inching towards diabetes does not make for the best sex partners...

it's all about being mindful, do what you will, but be conscious of what you are doing, and what it's doing to you.
In moments of arousal we are training our brain, creating our own Pavlovian response to future stimuli, it's very simple and highly effective.

Great sex comes from being present, focused and embodied.

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moonrat said...

Delightful article. Some days it's all clear as a bell, feeling as deep as the ocean. Other days as shallow as a kiddie pool, one hot day away from being a parched desert, waiting for the next flash flood of bliss.

michael k. said...

Amen to all the above; the more you can accomplish here; the less you'll need the porn...although who needs that 4th wall anyway. Unless they figure out the online 3D thing, but thats another story...

dev said...

mk: I think the 3D thing is available