‘If I just keep on loving him, he will change & we will have the relationship that I know is possible’...
Ode to a Rescuer…
There was something very appealing about his pain
it matched her Pattern perfectly!
“Give me a damaged man with potential
and I will embrace him
as my life mission
My personal quest
I will claim myself to be his Rescuer
Through my eyes he will see
how sorely he has been
denied Love
And, with the love of this Good Woman, he will heal.
He will heal
He will heal
He will heal
****
With the peace of mind that I alone
have brought to him,
delivered to him on a sincere heart that
pulses with conviction
His heart shall finally, after many troubled years
beat with contentment
in symbiotic rhythm with my own
Ahh..this future memory brings tears
to my eyes
and reminds me to be patient and the reward
will come
Of this truth I have created, I am sure.
He will change
He will change
He will change
***
I shall interpret his moodiness as poetic brooding
his sarcasm as merely the shadow of his enormous
artistic sensitivities
and his broken promises as the unfortunate
repercussions of
a busy, preoccupied man.
I shall deny myself my heart’s desries,
less they place too much of a burden on his already busy mind.
I shall seduce him into security
with words thinly veiled
with the false reassurance that I want nothing of him
After all he is the broken one…
Not me.
I shall seduce him into security
with words thinly veiled
with the false reassurance that I want nothing of him
After all he is the broken one…
Not me.
I will prove to him that I am the one single woman
on this Earth
who can heal his troubled Soul.
Because I believe in him like no other has in the past
or could possibly at any time in the future….
As the Rescue Program gets under way
I will slowly begin to allow
the duality of the situation to come to the fore
Actually I won’t have a choice.
Having ensnared him with my Rescuers Net
or having fallen into his
I shall wrestle with the duality of being drawn
to his charismatic withdrawals
whilst also experiencing an awakening awareness
that he is indeed
mirroring my own need to heal and rescue
the wounded heart.
In order to ignore the needs of my own hopeful
desperate
optimistic
aching
Heart,
I will plunge into my rescuing role with paradox and passion
for I am drawn to the angst of tortured feelings
which I have misconstrued as Romance and Love
as haplessly as he is drawn to his broody silences and
the acidic observations he casts out
to bait me
every now and then.
And quite regularly at times.
Words that forge our bond like “who else would put up with you or me” and
“we were meant for one another, we are as bad as each other“
will be the hypnotic sound track of the saga
of our co-dependence
***
He will be my co-star as my life unfolds
according to the stories I believe
Stories that I have created
Fictional stories I will defend as
Love
Alas it is a tired old script with no surprises
in the Story whatsoever
but it will take me a long time to understand that
to reinterpret and rewrite the lead roles
because most of this is new to me!
And I am a stranger to myself…
I will need quite some time to realise any of this
as this predictable old Story unfolds
on a roller coaster of drama and desire
yearning and conflict
Those old ‘but I love him” scenarios
and inevitable cycles
replaying themselves
in the guise of Love.
***
Love?
No this is just unlearnt lessons
in re-enactment
I will come to realise this one day
though I do not know that yet of course
Although my heart does skip a beat when he looks at me
in that certain something way
Surely that must be Love?
though you may well think I am making
a banquet from a few crumbs of
moments of hard earnt intimacy
I know this banquet will be rich
in the fruits of my desires
….so long as I am patient
I will be Patient
I will be Patient
I will be Patient
My mantras give my life meaning
and hope
They really do
Really really they do.
***
In the meantime I will deny that the toxins
of this relationship are
causing me great harm,
souring my naivete & poisoning the sweetness of my illusions
whilst I continue to
defend his lack of friendliness
and warmth
as justified
on account of
the awful things he went through as a child
the unresolved issues
with his difficult father
the conflict with his his troubled mother
There was just so much trouble
that went into creating his
Troubled Life that I share
I am perhaps the only one
who really knows that
and understands him
and Loves him
The only one
The lonely one
Love will conquer all
I think I am sure of that
There is only one fixed rule in
all of this apparent uncertainty
And this is what I have made it to be:
I must Love him no matter how hard he is to Love.
I will Love him unconditionally
I will Love him unconditionally
I will Love him unconditionally
This one rule will make it all wonderful…
One day because
He will open up
He will open up
He will open up
***
Ultimately of course I will deny myself
the right to move forward
to reach my fullest potential
because I will be anchored defiantly
to our co-dependence
and staunchly
courageously
desperately
refer to it as
Love!
This is what I know Love to be.
The End.
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1 comment:
Thank you for sharing my poem...
Carol Omer
Http://carolom.wordpress.com/about
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